lets start a swedish sibling band together
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
