So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
