I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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