You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have feelings that need drinking.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
