Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
