Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
