also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
