There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
