In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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