she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
