I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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