I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
