Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
