I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
