Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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