the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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