You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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