she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
