I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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