I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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