My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra