what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later