her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
