meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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