lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great