I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
