who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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