____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
