you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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