Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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