you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry about my life...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
