So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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