I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
