I want to make a zoo with you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
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She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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