omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
organizing the empties. That sober.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
