I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
