You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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