i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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