Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
