Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
