Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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