Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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