from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We smell like vodka and hangover
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