Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he laminated a picture of his dick.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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