oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You left your phone here
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