this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
