When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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