you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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