I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
