Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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