we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
