just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
