So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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