i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
