i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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