I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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