If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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