I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
