do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
