your thong is hanging out like whoa
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
