I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
