So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
