Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
