Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Randomize
